One thing that almost all of us share is the desire to be out in the air as the weather improves. A warm breeze and the sounds of others out and about seems to invite this.

For me, since I restrain myself on feminine expression at work and when I go out, it’s usually when I get home that I indulge myself a bit. That means I can wear tights, or put on a dress, or wear these heeled boots I picked up recently. It’s almost a meditative experience like that.

But I do still feel that pull to go outside a bit. I don’t dare dressed up as mostly female, all things considered. While no one has threatened me, the slope from ridicule to violence among the intoxicated seems awfully steep to me. Once it’s dark, I can go out on my balcony. It’s very hard to see me as I don’t turn the balcony light on. Making out exactly what I’m wearing is, I presume, difficult.

It’s the closest I’ve come to really expressing my feminine part in public. Yeah, the only time I’m under the open sky is when I dare to poke my head out over the edge—and that’s not a joke… it really does take some courage for me to do that.

It’s a slow process. A lot of me doubts I’ll ever completely express this way in public. I’ll take the little steps along the way. And I’m happy to have my balcony as a minor test lab/proving ground just in case.