I just wanted to take a brief timeout from this blog’s usual fare—assuming it has usual fare—to talk a bit about relationships. Before I was unconventional with gender identity, I was unconventional in relationship models. I’ve been involved in several polyamorous relationships in the last decade-plus, and I thought it worth explaining.

The reason for this is because, along with being non-binary, I’ve made a group of friends who also happen to generally be poly.

Polyamory is sometimes referred to as responsible non-monogamy. In other words, monogamy just isn’t for some people. Which I think is hard to deny. At the same time, there’s the notion that this doesn’t automatically make a non-monogamous person bad or not wanting long-term/permanent relationships.

I go back and forth as to whether poly is an orientation or not: I was poly for almost all of my (now over) marriage. When it was right, it was amazing. But there were other issues at play that made it not right for a lot of the time.

It’s something I like, something I’m comfortable with, but it isn’t a requirement. My partner of two years (hooray!) will obviously have the biggest say. But I know we both have wandering eyes, too, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

There’s a tattoo I want to get (well, there are three I want to get, but this one would be small), a bit of text on my arm. It would start in a kind of child’s colourful crayon, to script, to type, to Palmer method cursive. It’s from the Poi Dog Pondering song “Complicated”: I’m not afraid of death I’m scared of going through this thing twice.

My last relationship was 20 years, and I still struggle with it ending even though it’s for the best for both of us and there isn’t any animosity. That tattoo would lead right into the next line, the refrain to the song: Gonna get it right this time.

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