It’s been an interesting few weeks, and I’ve been having some difficulties getting back into the blogging groove. That’s primarily because I don’t quite know what to say at the moment. It’s such a swirl.
I suppose the big one is that I am now officially divorced. I have to do one more bit of paperwork with the next couple of weeks, but as far as the courts are concerned, I am single. Not reality, mind you, given relationship status, etc., but you know what I mean.
That’s strange for me as I had been with my now ex-wife for nearly 21 years (married for 16). I’m still only in my late 30s and have a lot of my life ahead of me, but there is a part of me that has to go back and track through the decisions I made along the way. The times we almost split. The damage that it has done to me. Those sorts of things.
On the other hand, I’ve kind of said fuck it regarding eye makeup in particular and cosmetics in general. I’m wearing turquoise mascara right now, along with some blue eye shadow. I didn’t do eyeliner today, as that tends to be quite bold, bolder than I can manage effective in a femme-but-neutral way. I need more skills. Oh, and I’m wearing some body shimmer. Because I like being a bit glittery.
What’s been very comforting to me has been how many people in my life have commented on my happiness. That I seem to be more myself now. That feels quite good.
I still have bad days with the good. That comes with being off of the meds. But many more of them are good than bad, and I’ve learned coping skills for the bad ones. I’m prepping my classes for the fall, which I know will go great, but also present an oddity for me—there really are limits to how much I can express in the classroom. Not by requirement, but for my teaching style. I’d rather not my appearance become the focus.
I am going to learn to curl my hair next. It’s already naturally wavy. Time to bring that out a bit.