I’ve been a bit quiet lately because it’s been crunch time for getting my fall courses together. There has been so much to do, and it’s not so much of there not being enough hours in the day, but that there’s only so hard you can work your brain before you get really tired. And then realize you have half-a-dozen other courses that need just as much attention. It’s very difficult to keep up.
This also means that we’re getting into the time of the year when I need to behave myself. That is, I don’t want to wear noticeable cosmetics while teaching, I keep my apparel relatively neutral, and I have to watch what I say.
The funny thing is, no one is telling me to behave this way. No one is telling me that I can’t express femme. It’s just the default that I go to thinking that there is less resistance overall this way. Because I don’t know what I’d say in the classroom right now if someone asked me about my gender identity. I really don’t. Is that the kind of conversation I’m ready to have with a room full of 18-year olds? Probably not.
On the other hand, as the weather gets cooler, I get closer to that time when I paint my toenails. So maybe it’s all a fair trade. Still, it does sting a little bit when I have to forego the eye shadow, something I want to wear, because it will be easier than dealing with other people. At least, in my mind that’s how it goes.