I’ve written before about being poly and about both K and J and how lucky I am to have two wonderful women in my life whom I love dearly. K and J were able to meet a bit more than a month ago, and they’ve hit it off really very well. It’s done so much for my happiness that they quite like each other.
J’s husband, on the other hand, seems to be going in the other direction regarding me. I’m objectionable both for being male (because they allowed females prior to me) and for being queer considering my non-binary/femme nature. I get that. He’s rather conservative, so I get it. The problem is that it’s greatly affecting J’s happiness now, and I worry very greatly for her.
It would be crushing to lose her, but if stepping away saves things for her, I’m of course willing to do it. They have a good family. I want those kids to be happy, too.
This is one of the biggest challenges I can think of with poly: what happens when someone tries to say they’re okay-ish with something when they aren’t okay with it? And what happens when someone tries to object after some very deep feelings have developed? That’s kind of where we are now.
K and I keep going back to one of our first conversations, where she said she was definitely going into the Peace Corps. In that same conversation, I explained being poly. It’s always just been part of who I am for her. She’s been very patient, very understanding. It’s part of who I am, I think, rather than something I could more easily switch off.
I mean, I still love L, even though our being in a relationship hasn’t been an issue in a number of years. And even with my marriage not doing well, I was very notably happier while dating L. With K, with how deeply I love her, I still feel more whole having J as well. It’s tough to explain, but this is where I feel like it might indeed be a kind of orientation.
More than anything, though, I don’t want to walk away from J and I don’t want to be cause for the breakup of a family. And all I can do about it is sit here and think and help when asked.