There’s really no other way to think about it, since it is what it is. I’m being a source of conflict in J’s marriage.
It’s important to note, though, that there are a number of underlying issues unrelated to me. J is poly and perhaps her husband is not. He wavers. And the problem is that he’s decided he has a problem with this relationship after months together. J and I love each other a lot. That’s not the sort of thing you can just turn off.
The hard part is knowing that I’m ultimately a problem, that this relationship is a problem. For me, this is the main part where poly gets tough: when one partner is and the other isn’t. I can’t say I have a good solution.
What has scared me a bit is that J is quite a bit of my life here. The thought of losing her is rather terrifying just because, in many ways, I’m more courageous in my expression with her in my life. And we just genuinely really enjoy our time together.
This isn’t something I can fix. I love her. But I also want her to be happy. I’m trying everything I can think of so that happens.