I’m biologically male. But attached to that biology is a whole bunch of how my brain reacts to those I’m attracted to. I wrote a little bit ago about being worried how my looks would turn out with hormone replacement therapy. I also wonder how my reactions will be.
There is the fact that I think no one wants to turn down their own sexual satisfaction. I have good equipment and I think it helps me to bring pleasure to my partners. But there’s always the chance it won’t work anymore once I’m doing HRT. Or with difficulty, at least.
A part of me has long felt that male arousal is a kind of handicap. It distracts from thinking and it’s felt a touch immature. I don’t have anything else to go off of, but I wonder where I would tingle when attracted to someone. What will my brain do?
It freaks me out a little bit. I don’t have the highest sex drive in the world, and if it were to go away, I would live. But it’s also an important component of relationships, and I want to maintain everything I can with K and J.
More unknowns. A lot of those seem to be cropping up lately.