I think I’m trans.

That’s a big thing for me to say. Simply put, my gender identity does not match my biology. I still can’t point to exactly what that identity is, but it is not male, and I would like to take steps to adjust that. I don’t think trans has to be a binary thing, especially with my non binary identity.

So, I think I’m trans.

In some ways, that little change of columns for identity has made for some interesting feelings with the wave of bathroom issues this week. First, of course, is the change in guidance from the Trump administration (if we think they’re on the wrong side of the moral line, don’t we usually call such governments regimes?) regarding transgender rights. Because my individual rights should be decided by state lines. Thanks, assholes.

Then there’s SB6 in Texas. This would codify that which restroom or locker room you use is based on the sex on your birth certificate. That’s fun. I don’t live in Texas—thankfully I live in a state that’s in the 21st century and has protections for gender identity and expression—but I can imagine what it would be like for me. I’ve come a long way in this last year, where now I proudly carry a purse, wear femme clothing, and use cosmetics and nail polish in public. The day could come where I would be comfortable wearing a dress or skirt in public, something that would probably come with hormone treatments.

So what do I fear in these situations? Getting my ass kicked or threatened or stabbed or shot. I get mistaken for female fairly regularly right now, and that could increase, but not everyone sees me that way. What I don’t look like is the average person using a men’s room. That’s what I’d be afraid of, the reaction in there. All I want to do is pee. Can I do that without fearing for my life, please? Can we not fabricate these false narratives of predators? Because doing what they describe is already illegal no matter what. Assault is illegal. Filming someone without consent is illegal. These are felonies, and they would remain so. Making it so a person can use the restroom that matches their identity and expression doesn’t change that. It’s a red herring, and it’s fucking disgusting that the people claiming morality lie so freely.

Finally, there is New Hampshire, the lone New England state without protections for transgender individuals. A bill to extend protections to trans folks passed committee comfortably with broad bipartisan support… but then the outrage brigade hit the phones and email, and the Republican-controlled legislature narrowly voted to table the proposal for this session. One representative said calls were 5-1 against the proposal, and that plenty of people brought up the same predator bullshit. Bullshit is my term, mind you. And with that, he changed his vote to against the proposal because society isn’t ready.

That’s what it keeps coming back to—states right, society being ready. If society were accepting of trans people, there would be no need for these protections. It’s precisely because morons with faulty logic and exclusionary mindsets exist that we need these protections.

But no. No, we can’t have nice things. All because of the same usual groups of people, the ones who enjoy every privilege there is to have and still claim they are being persecuted.

I think I’m trans. And if my saying that puts a face, some familiarity on it for you, great. Ask yourself if you would say to my face that I’m a pervert, child molester, or mentally ill. That you aren’t worried about my safety in a society that still very much has a macho problem. Say those things to my face, that my fears are groundless, that my identity is imaginary, and that I don’t deserve rights.

Say it to me. Because I’m trans. And it’s a whole lot harder to spew that garbage when it’s someone you know.

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