It’s hard to have to constantly reflect on yourself. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s something I have to do right now to consider how I see myself and how I would like to be.

In addition to the usual things a lot of people have (I want to lose a little bit of weight), there are things I flat-out hate. I hate growing facial hair. I always have. And I have rather sensitive skin, so shaving can do a number on it unless I’m really careful. Same goes for body hair, especially on my chest and back. I want to have none of it. It disgusts me.

Then there’s the dangly bits. Honestly, they’re in the way. The reason I hesitate there is because they are also the source of sexual satisfaction for me, so I don’t know what it would mean to be without them. It’s not like I’m dying to have a vagina, mind you, but that would be a better fit compared to the current equipment.

I’ve also had a few people ask me about my sexual orientation as a result of this. I would come up as a lesbian when you get down to it. Once my identity passes that threshold of being a straight male (I even hate typing that) to a gay woman, I’ll be in some interesting waters.

I’m not happy with my current body. I’m not in the shape I’d like to be in, no, but I also don’t like the way it is shaped.

That’s where I am today.

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