I’ve been looking around my life lately and figuring out if there are areas where I’d like to be a little bit more femme. It turns out there are such places: when I sleep and when I’m in the sun.
A bit of background: I’ve noticed that, as I express more femme, I am rather noticeably happier. By a lot. I had a chat with J in the car the other day about depression and suicide ideation, both things I’ve experienced a lot in the last 20 years, but much less so in the last two. I had pinned a lot of that on getting divorced and starting my life over again. Her quip, on the source, was probably that I was forcing myself into a box I don’t fit into.
I can see that a bit more now.
I’m quite pale, and sunscreen, even at high numbers, frequently isn’t enough to keep me from getting burned. I’d rather not have skin cancer, thank you, so I’ve taken to carrying my trusty umbrella on days like today: it’s very sunny without a cloud in the sky and lovely for walking to work.
I’d like to do more there, though. I’ve found a few umbrella/parasol things on Nordstrom’s site that appeal to me, including a lovely Kate Spade one that would be better for the rain and several from HappySweeds that are simply fantastic (and UPF 50 rated). J also thinks I need a lace one. I think she’s right.
On the other end of the spectrum, I found some pyjamas at WallyWorld the other day that I rather liked. Women’s. The downside? They really are slightly too big for me. It’s difficult when buying a set, as my top size may or may not need to be L or XL (depending on sleeves… it’s my shoulders that force me up a size) and my bottoms could really be a medium.
J and I went to JCPenney’s yesterday because I found some pyjama sets I liked on their app quite a bit on sale. I found the one I was looking for which is a top and capri bottoms, with an XL top (it has sleeves) and figured I’d make it work. I found another set, too, with short shorts and a nice top. Oh, and the sleeveless top I’m wearing today. Apparently, at regular price, this would all have been $110. I spend $15.82 with tax. I really don’t know how.
The capri set? It turns out someone messed with them, so there was an XL top and a S bottom. The funny thing? They fit quite nicely that way. Weird, but I’ll take it.
I woke up this morning in this pink and black ensemble, and I loved it. I felt good. As good as anyone can feel when some asshole neighbour’s ride lays on the horn at 630 in the morning, that is.
That’s where I am today. I’m accessorizing my life now. I rather like it. And I think I’m getting good at it, based on how happy these small things are making me.