Email usually isn’t the best way to handle something rather personal with family, but it’s the way I communicate best. I’m a very good public speaker, but I’m a better writer, and when speaking about myself, I can get flustered and forget things.
The other element, though, is that the written word is non-linear. You can go back and reread it. You can pause. But it acts as a monologue, whereas a conversation is linear, it’s live, and it keeps going.
I sent an email the other day (as I wrote) about opening the door a crack and seeing what happens. I did that, and my mother responded by (nicely) more or less asking me to name it. That we should start there and then do questions and answers.
I did. I replied this morning that I’m transgender. Her response? It was along the lines of “duh”.
My comment on that was that I wasn’t trying to necessarily hide it, but I didn’t really know how to talk about it, either, so I wasn’t going to outright flaunt my being femme. That left all of us in this weird middle ground.
It’s out in the open now. I expect there to be contentious question-and-answer sessions and confusion and a whole lot of explaining. But there’s a lot of me that feels like the hard part is over.
Now the next challenge would be explaining that I want to go to Macy’s when I see them in a few weeks because there’s a dress I really want…